Should the past be remembered or forgotten?
Those memories, your
existence, dreams we pursued, plans we made, jokes we laughed, all these things
cannot ever be changed. You have gone. You have disappeared. You’ve vanished
into thin air. But the memories will always be there reminds me of you every time
I think about it. You lied. You cheated on me. You didn’t care, at times. I
always end up apologizing even though deep down inside my heart still cannot
even accept the fact that you would do that to me. I have loved you. I have
dedicated my life to you. But in the end, we realize we aren’t meant to be. I
get hurt, I get jealous, and I get attached to you way too much. I should have
just realized that our love would not last long. It has been more than once
year. But I just couldn’t hate you, even if I tried. I couldn’t get you off my
mind, even there was someone new trying to come crawling my life. I’ve been
thinking about you for the past few months. I’ve been re-reading our old
messages even if they are just tiny little pieces things that left. I’ve been
missing you. I still hold tight the past in which I know this is wrong. You
come and go as you wish. You appear and disappear like the rain in an
inconstant weather. Do you even remember those days we got through problems
together? Do you even remember the nights we spent together? Do you not even
remember you gave me your shoulder to cry on when I was sad? Do you not even
remember the jokes we made and the future we planned? I do. I still do remember
every single tiny little thing we did. It was fun to be with you. It was the
best time I could ever ask for. You were my life. You were the one I put my
trust in. You were the one I shared anything with. You were the reason I
believed in love. I cried. I laughed. I smiled. I spent my time with you. Even
it was just about three months or so. Even it didn’t last long. But you were,
and are still there to memorize. I thought you were the one I was going to end
up with. I thought you were the one I could die with. I thought you were the
one I’m going to share my life with. My thoughts weren’t true. I’ve been in so
much pain, but these feelings could not still be erased. I’ve put all attempts
to forget about you but in end it results nothing. I think about you more and
more.
There are a couple of
boys that I’ve communicated with. But none will fit me like you did. They just
do not make the cut. They aren’t the same you, the one I expected to be with
me. I talked to several friends of mine. Some of them saying I should not care
about you anymore for how you treated me badly. Some say I should not get back
with you anymore for what you did to me. I was stupid. I still am. For being so
ridiculous and cannot stop having feelings for you.
I still have no clue
whether it is the right thing to do. I am writing this whilst listening to an
old song called ‘when you love someone’. Here are a bit of the lyrics “When you love someone, you’ll do anything.
You will do all the crazy things that you can’t explain. You’ll shoot the moon,
put out the sun. When you love someone, you’ll deny the truth, believe a lie.
There’ll be times that you’ll believe that you could really fly. But your
lonely nights have just begun when you love someone. When you love someone
you’ll feel it deep inside and nothing else could ever change your mind. When
you want, need, love someone you’ll sacrifice. Giving everything you got and
you won’t think twice. You’d risk it all no matter what may come. When you love
someone”
I’ve been telling my
trustworthy friends how I currently feel. Most of their responses are that I
should just get rid of our memories, and block you in everything, and not
communicating “Easier said than done”.
Guys that came to my life cannot replace your position. I’ve tried. In the end
I’ve failed. I should just hate you for everything you did to me. To be
completely honest, I just can’t and when I can, I always end up thinking of you
more. I know feelings are from God. It is a blessing in which I should just
enjoy having. Though, it is unrequited.
I wish you happier now
than you were with me. There has already been someone else filling your heart
and I cannot do anything with it. Feelings are feelings. I appreciated your
choice, I just missed the old you, ages ago, not the new you. The way you we
used to communicate, the first time we met and the way how you did not care,
and the way we weren’t sensitive towards each other. Now the only thing I want
to say is that I wish you every success ahead in any conditions you are going
to be. You were good to me. I thank you for yesterdays. I thank you for all
those memories we used to make together. You’ve taught me that love is a
splendor thing. I was truly in love with you. Probably that thing that makes me
open my eyes wide for being a better person every single day I get through
alone. It’s good being alone rather than being with someone else I don’t have
feelings with. I want to stand with you on a mountain and I want to scream out
loud together with you at the sea. You used to be everything that I needed. Now
I’ve realized I am only living in my life nowadays with memories of us. I have
come to a realization where past should always not be remembered nor forgotten. The
past has constructed me on how I think and act towards everything I might face
in the future. The past and the experiences are worth keeping in mind. They are
worth storing in the long-term memory of the brain, the good ones. It’s just
funny we were childish fighting with each other unstoppably 24/7. Now I believe
you’ve grown up matured. We were communicating a couple of days ago but now
you’re gone again. You come and go as you wish. I have no idea when you’ll come
back again, or maybe you won’t.
I’ve been strong, I’ve
been tough. I shouldn’t dig up the old memories anymore. You may be sick and
tired of it. I am sorry. I’m trying to speak what’s inside. And that makes me
relieved.
The past should not be
forgotten nor remembered. It’s there to give us life lesson and make us more
matured in facing any kinds of problems. Some people say experience is the best
teacher. Yes, I could not agree more. Because experiences construct us on how
we think and act towards something. Your experience may be different from other
people. That is why we have different notion or opinion towards something. That’s
the fact. That’s the truth. Do not even judge. We more often than not define
something based on our experiences. Innit
